Rewind
by LogicalNonsense99
Summary: AU: Derek decides to leave Meredith after he gets the chance to start his internship in New York. After six years, Meredith and Derek happen to stumble upon the same path again, but things have changed. Meredith has hidden something from him. Will she keep her secret to herself? Will they be able to start over again, or will they end up farther away from each other than before?
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Hi. So, this is my first attempt at writing fanfiction.  
I'm sorry for any mistakes. If you have any questions or suggestions, PM me.  
Reviews are appreciated:)

It was impossibly dark.

Black was the only thing she could see. It engulfed her body and wrapped around her like a blanket. The only source of light was the ethereal glow of the moon. They were the only slivers of the outside world.

The only thing that surrounded her was an impenetrable silence – which threatened too engulf her at every turn. It was like a black hole, endless and empty. It would never let her go; she was trapped in her own pain.

Not even the rhythmic, soporific ticking of the clock could break her out of her reverie. Her ears perceived nothing. She dived too deep into the filthy pool of her own thoughts and desires.

xxx

"I know you'd do anything to make it work, but it's better this way, Mer. For the both of us," he whispered, whilst looking at the floor. He was unable to look her in the eyes, too ashamed of himself.

Raindrops pattered against the windows and suddenly, for just a moment, a streak of lightning bathed the living room in a harsh, unforgiving light. The cold wind whistled through the slightly open balcony door and grazed their bodies sending chills. Neither of them paid any mind to their surroundings, despite the outcry of their physiology against the harsh cold.

Meredith just stood there, unwilling to utter a word.

She still couldn't believe it; she thought that she found the love of her life, but she was wrong – so utterly wrong.

She clenched her fists and bit her lip, fighting back tears. She wouldn't break in front of him, or anyone at all for that matter.

Her mother might be selfish and heartless, but she still taught her daughter to always be strong.

Meredith could feel the tears building in her eyes, despite her efforts.

Damn.

"Mer," he tried again.

Derek now had his gaze fixed on her and tears were glistening in his eyes, but he tried to keep them back as not to make matters worse. After all, he was the one who broke her heart.

She was still staring at him, a gleam of disbelief and sadness among her face.

Her green eyes – that were usually bright and warm – were now only a shell.

The two of them have already been through so much and now Meredith looked to be lost and broken.

Derek had never seen her this way before. It hurt him to have to break her – to leave her alone. He consoled himself in knowing that this was his only chance if he ever wanted to become a better surgeon.

After his father died, he made a promise to himself that he would become a neurosurgeon to care for his family and Meredith.

But…Was he like Ellis?

Could Meredith cope with another loved one choosing his career over her?

Was his career more important to him than Meredith?

He knew that staying with her wasn't an option. The job was demanding and he needed to be able to focus on it. No, he didn't want to be like Ellis. He had to leave Meredith.

"Meredith, say something, please," he begged, walking a few steps toward her and gently touching her hand's smooth skin to coax her out of her own sad, twisted world and back into the realm of reality.

She quickly jerked back as if his soft touch triggered a sharp pain inside of her.

Derek dropped his hand and swallowed hard when he noticed the change in her face. The sadness that had clearly dominated her delicate features just a few seconds earlier was now replaced with a blank stare, but Derek could see the icy anger entrapped beneath.

The wind, which seemed to be getting stronger, had not made him shiver, but instead it was the expressionless look that accompanied her facial expressions. That look seemed to stop any circulation his body could ever hope to produce, freezing the red liquid that kept his body alive, frozen. Delayed.

"You're right," she said, her voice giving nothing away.

She walked over to the balcony door and closed it, while saying, "It's better this way, for both of us, as you said." Her voice trembled slightly, but she played it down with a loud cough.

"I guess you have to get a lot of things done." It was not merely a question – rather a statement.

Meredith turned back and headed for the small, messy, glass coffee table where books, papers and pencils claimed its surface. She sat down on the comfortable couch and sunk into the cushions. Her bare toes were curling into the carpet digging up small fibers in its wake.

He sighed and ran his right hand through his dark curls, but didn't dare try and approach her. He knew she was in a fragile state, both mentally and emotionally.

"I honestly didn't think they'd pick me," he said trying to defend himself, but he knew how pathetic he sounded.

"Just leave it, Derek, just leave it," she hissed angrily.

Derek took a deep breath and sat down beside her with caution, "I love you Mer—"

She interrupted him and brought her face close against his own. So close, that their noses were almost touching. "Stop saying that! Okay? You want to go? Go! It's your decision."

"Had I known—" he started.

She didn't let him finish his sentence. "If you had known that Mount Sinai would have picked you, you'd have done it again, and I know that."

He was silent for some time and continued looking deep into her green orbs searching for something before he started on his pleas once again.

"The opportunity is just so..." he sighed, "It's too good to be true, Mer. I've always wanted to be a neurosurgeon, and the program is one of the best."

She lowered her eyes and played with her leather watchband. "It has always been your dream. Your Dad always knew that you would become a surgeon."

At the thought of Derek's dad, even for a brief fleeting moment, a sad smile played on her plump lips.

Meredith no longer wanted to argue with him. She just wanted him to stay, and forget everything she had said in the last few hours.

Derek was her anchor, her soul mate. If she hadn't had him or his family, her childhood would have probably been even worse than it had. Derek was her first love, her everything.

She knew that Derek only wanted the best for her, but it hurt her soul just to think of letting him go. She would have given anything to maintain the relationship, but she also knew that they would have grown apart eventually. With him being in New York, working as an intern and her being in Charleston, going to college, things wouldn't work out as much as she hoped and desired.

"Hmm, he did," he nodded, "I know that I can't be here for you, the way I want to be. You deserve better. I can't make it work, even if I want to."

He gently lifted her chin with his index finger, "I love you, but you deserve someone who will always be there for you and who cares about you. I wish I could be that person. But I can't make you happy. Not with the job or the long distance... It's just too much."

Meredith wanted him to stop talking. She knew that there was no way to dissuade him from his decision. If Derek made up his mind about something, there was no way to talk him out of it.

In two days, he would go to New York, leaving everything behind. His family, his friends. Her.

He was starting fresh, without her by his side.

She pushed these thoughts aside as the urgent need to be close to him, for one last time, came over her in a large wave.

Buttons flew, clothes landed on the ground, and for them, there was nothing more important than the desire to show their love to each other.

After their passion subsided, she felt safe in his strong, warm arms. It was time for him to go.

For several minutes, she looked at his relaxed facial features forcing herself not to cry. She mentally traced every curve of his jawline, the eyelashes lying delicately across his skin, and his curly hair plastered upon his sweat-covered forehead.

"I love you," she whispered and kissed him gently for possibly the last time.

Meredith re-dressed herself, packed her things, and then she was out of there.

xxx

Meredith hadn't noticed, how droplets of water started to fall down her cheeks, like a never-ending waterfall. She curled up on her bed and let the pain of losing him wash over her.

She was alone.

After college, she would leave Charleston Forever. Perhaps she'd even end up moving to a completely different country. Meredith knew she had to leave her home, the city where she lived all her life if she wanted to move on.

But life had other plans.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Next chapter! Sorry for the slight delay, but school is sucking the life out of  
me:/  
A big thanks to everyone who has followed, reviewed and favorited the story! It  
really means a lot to me:) If you have any questions or ideas, please PM me.  
Enjoy, and as always, reviews are appreciated:)

"I never want to leave this place. Ever."

They were at the beach, enjoying the soft waves that surrounded their bodies. The surface of the water glistened with the sun's sparkle. The small particles of salt absorbed the sun's rays making it appear to be a meticulously crafted mosaic.

Again and again, the warm water repeatedly churned and splashed against the sand. The salty spray splashed into their unprotected eyes, but it didn't matter. Meredith could taste the salty air on her lips. It coated the inside of her nostrils with the fresh smell of summer's nearing. The gentle lapping of the waves, sloshing lazily to the shore gave her a sense of peace and tranquility. Derek held her close to his chest with his warm arms wrapped around her waist as he murmured sweet things into her ear. Meredith never wanted to leave.

"You know that I love you, right?" she said, looking up at him with a bright smile on her face.

"I do," he replied, mirroring her smile, "I love you, too." He pulled her closer to him, his hands wandering over the small of her back.

She tangled her fingers in his thick silky hair and gently tugged at his curls. "Derek," she whispered quietly.

Meredith could see the thin droplets of water falling down from his hair, down his chest, and back into the water. Her breathing became labored. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, and she was sure Derek could hear it from how close he was. All she wanted – more than anything – was to feel his soft, addictive lips against hers.

"You do?" she asked with a tremor in her voice.

"I do," he nodded, his right hand slowly traveled down to her stomach while his left arm remained around her delicate waist.

Each fiber in her body was in high alert. Every nerve seemed to vibrate with pure electricity as she waited with anticipation at what would happen next.

"Please, Derek," she begged, tilting her head slightly.

"I love you," he breathed, and then, his lips were on hers.

Shocks of passion passed between the two of them and Meredith wrapped her arms around his sweaty neck. Her delicate fingers tangled in his head of hair.

Meredith couldn't suppress a moan. She pressed flush against him and slightly parted her lips, slipping her tongue into his mouth.

There was nothing better than the feeling and taste of him. He was like a drug – an addictive, beautiful drug. He was something she couldn't get enough of….

"Mer!"

Meredith had no idea who or what had woken her up from her deep slumber. Just a few seconds earlier, she had been looking in to those enchanting blue eyes that always captivated her heart and soul. The blue eyes that always seem to be dragging her into the deep dark waters that was his inner soul.

Even now, she could still feel his arms wrapped firmly around her, warmth emanating from his slender body. With her hands, she stroked his hair. Her fingers ran through his thick curls and down to his broad shoulders.

It was just a dream, though. A blissful dream that should have never ended.

She would give anything to get Derek back. She wanted to be with him, but he made his decision. She was alone – again. That was the reality she lived in. A simple dream, despite how wonderful it was, would never change that.

"Meredith Grey!" She heard someone call, obviously annoyed.

Apparently, that was what woke her up.

Meredith sighed and slowly opened her weighted eyes, rubbing the sleep out of them.

"Calm down. I'm coming," she responded, clearly still tired.

Why the hell did he have to show up on one of the rare days that she could sleep in?

He was such an ass.

She crawled out of her bed, pulling her short blonde hair into a messy knot and went to the door, still in her simple T-shirt and sweatpants.

Slowly, though, not too fast.

...Careful...

No, definitely not too fast.

Meredith had to admit that she felt like shit. And she didn't feel like it was going to get any better. It would probably become worse if the universe had anything to say about it.

Life sucked like that.

Maybe she was feeling nauseous because she had to look into her best friend's ugly mug.

Yeah. That was probably it.

"Took you long enough," Alex grumbled as she finally unlocked her door. He walked past her in the direction of her room and took a seat on her unmade bed.

"Good morning to you too, you ass." She replied, sitting down beside him.

Small slivers of sunlight were shining through the mostly closed curtains, bathing the room in a warm golden light. The air – brought in by the wind – tasted like the salty sea. It reminded her of her first kiss with Derek on the beach, all those years ago, when everything seemed wonderful. Perfect even.

They had been friends since Meredith and her mother moved from Seattle to Charleston. At that time, Derek and his family lived down the street and when Carolyn found out that Ellis was constantly working, she and her husband decided to look out for the little girl. Soon, Meredith became a major part of the family – Carolyn and Michael Shepherd were like the parents she never had.

She wouldn't allow herself to think about the past, though. That chapter was over; it had been for a while.

"You're thinking about him," Alex observed quietly.

Meredith shook her head in denial. "No, I'm not. Why should I? He—" she trailed off, looking around.

"Left," Alex finished for her while grabbing a random textbook from her nightstand.

"Yeah," she whispered quietly.

It still hurt to think about the fact that her boyfriend, rather ex-boyfriend, had chosen his career over her.

"Do you want a drink or something?" she got up, trying to keep herself from thinking about Derek. She had to move on. He no longer wanted her.

"Coffee would be amazing," Alex answered offhandedly as he continued flipping through the pages.

"Okay, I just have to sit down for a moment," she swallowed and looked down.

Small beads of sweat formed on her forehead. Meredith quickly wiped them away with the back of her hand. She breathed in and out deeply, trying to calm her unsettled stomach. It felt like it could explode at any second.

He put the book away. "You're pale."

"I'm not," she tried to sound strong, but failed miserably.

Alex looked at her quizzically, putting a hand on her forehead to check for signs of a fever. "I thought you were feeling better. Are you still feeling nauseous?"

"No," she breathed, "I'm fine, Alex," she lied, even though she knew Alex would see right through it.

Those who knew her well could easily see through her lies. Alex was one of them.

He nodded. "You're warm," he said, taking his hand back from her forehead.

She shrugged and leaned against the soft pillows. "Maybe. It's warm in here."

"Sure." He mumbled not buying it.

At that moment, she saw the white paper bag lying on his lap. Before she could ask him about what was inside, the contents of her stomach rose up in a violent surge of bile that spewed from her mouth.

Luckily, Alex, who seemed to have expected this, quickly jumped up and held a bucket in front of her. Her shoulders rose and fell rapidly, stomach clenching in pain from the effort. She had a feeling that it was not going to stop for a while.

Alex tried to calm her down somehow, but in his head, thoughts were spinning around. Was his hypothesis right after all?

She had been puking her guts out for weeks. At first, he thought that it was just a simple stomach virus. So, the fact that she hadn't said anything about it didn't cause much concern.

But what about now?

He was not a woman, but he did know how it worked.

"Oh God," Meredith whimpered painfully, throwing up one last time.

"Disgusting. Thank God I'm not a woman," he shook his head. "Better now?" he anxiously asked.

He hated seeing Meredith like this. Most people saw him as a hardhead, incapable of showing any type of emotion or caring for another human being, but that wasn't true. Not in the slightest.

Early on, Alex had learned that he couldn't trust anyone in this world. Too many things happened to him in the past couple of years. Too many bad experiences that shaped him into what he was today.

Therefore, he was careful with who he chose to let into his life. He didn't want to get hurt again.

Of course, he had friends, but no one understood him the way Meredith did. She knew what he went through – knew his weaknesses and strengths. Over the years, she became his family. The only person who accepted him for the way he was and didn't judge him for it.

She swallowed thickly, grimacing at the bitter taste in her mouth. "I guess so."

He took the bucket out of her hands and pressed her gently back onto the pillows. "I'll take care of it. You need rest."

She thought about that as she closed her eyes for only a few seconds, but when she opened them again, Alex was already back inside, standing in front of her with a small frown.

"So, are we going to continue to act like nothing's wrong with you? I mean throwing up for the last three weeks is totally normal. I do it every day." he said sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

Meredith stood up, exhausted from earlier. "It's nothing, Alex. Everything is okay," she said, trying to assure him.

"Yes, of course," he laughed bitterly, grabbing the white paper bag that was still lying on the bed.

"I'm fine. I probably just ate something my stomach didn't really agree with," she murmured, looking at him sadly.

"Sure. Don't give me that crap, Mer," he pulled a small, long package from the bag and threw it at her.

She took it with shaking hands and sat down again. At first, she had no idea what she was holding, but then, out of sheer shock, she let the package fall to the ground.

"No, that can't be true. I'm not. No, definitely, no," she stammered.

Alex watched how panic rose on Meredith's face like a small fire that seemed to rise with each passing second.

"I mean," she stood up pacing, "I can't be pregnant. I just can't. Derek is no longer here. He left me. He wanted to leave me, Alex!" she yelled. "That's not possible at all!"

"It's just the flu." She nodded, laughing hysterically. "Yeah, that's it."

He decided to let her ramble before he said anything else.

Meredith turned to Alex who was watching her, with concern. "You agree with me, don't you Alex? It's just the flu, right?" A tear made its way down her cheek.

"I can't be pregnant with Derek's baby. We were always careful."

Alex walked up to her and took her hand, which felt cold to the touch – almost like ice. "Take the test, and then we'll see, okay?" He said, genuinely concerned for Meredith's well-being.

She shook her head and pulled her hand away roughly. "I don't need to take that damn test, do you understand?!" Furious, she looked at him. "I'm not pregnant, I know how to take care of myself," she snapped.

Then, it all hit her.

The last moment they spent together. She tried to forget everything.

In that moment, she thought of everything.

Not about the fact that Derek was going to New York while she remained in Charleston. Not about the fact that she'd never love another man like she loved Derek.

Her love would never die. It was an internal flame that constantly burned. She forced herself to forget about everything. To her, that moment was just too special.

His touch. His love. The desire.

She could no longer delude herself. She had to face it.

It had been nearly two months since she last saw Derek. She hadn't felt herself at all since his departure – she felt more of a ghost, only doing the minimal to survive.

There was no glimmer of hope. Derek was gone.

Alex had been there for her when she needed someone to talk to. He tried to comfort her, but nothing could fill the deep void her heart was left with.

Meredith had to stop lying to herself.

Alex saw the change in her eyes and just pointed to the door. "I'll wait for you."

She couldn't escape reality.

A few minutes later, when she held the positive pregnancy test in her hand, it was clear. The nausea, being tired all the time, and the weight gain all made sense.

She was carrying Derek Shepherd's child, and he didn't even know about it.

She didn't know what to do.

Did she even want to have this baby?

Should she tell Derek?

Did he want a baby?

Did he even want a family? With her nonetheless?

She had to get it together, though. Slowly, Meredith put her hands over her flat stomach, protectively. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh while smiling a little.

"Hi, little one."

She didn't have to worry anymore. Everything was going to be alright.

\

Music blared loudly though cheap speakers. The smell of stale cigarette smoke, sweat, and alcohol filled the air of the decent sized bar.

The bar was filled with people who talked loudly to each other. The lights hanging from the ceiling illuminated the room in a dim light, which in turn created a relaxed and fun atmosphere. The noisy sound of shot-glasses and bottles of Vodka, as well as other alcoholic substances, clinking together filled the air. The joyful screams from someone winning a game of darts in the far areas of the bar echoed in Derek's ears.

Initially, he planned for a rather quiet evening with his annoying brother, Mark, but eventually, he was convinced to go out for drinks. His brother wanted to check out the new bar a couple of blocks away from the apartment they had recently rented.

He had to admit that he needed an evening to just unwind and hang out with his best friend. He needed a night where he could stop from worrying about all the stressful things going on in his life.

Nevertheless, he just couldn't get Meredith out of his head.

They had sex two days before he left for New York. When he was awake again, she was gone. The only thing she left was the faint scent of lavender on his pillow. His apartment seemed so empty; the only things left was his stuff, and they were all packed in boxes. She had probably taken her things and left, never to see him again.

They both knew that it would have only made it harder to bare. It was good that she left when he was still sleeping.

It wouldn't have worked out. He knew it.

He was always spending time at the hospital, and when he was not there, he was studying and sleeping most of the time.

No, it was better that way. Even if it killed him to be away from her.

"Stop looking as if someone killed your dog." Mark said, interrupting his dark thoughts.

Derek took a sip of his scotch before he responded. "First of all, I do not look like someone killed my dog, and second, I don't even have one."

Mark laughed. "Oh boy, someone is pissed." He said, ruffling Derek's curls.

"You're an idiot, Mark." Derek groaned.

Mark turned his head to the right, looking at a group of girls who were playing darts. "Sometimes you act like a girl." Mark said.

Derek shrugged, changing the subject. "Why are you still sitting here? You're ashamed that nobody wants you, huh?" he chuckled.

With that sentence, he immediately got Mark's attention back. "Every girl wants me, Shep." He smirked.

"OH, I forgot. The great Mark Sloan," Derek sighed, "How many nurses did you do this week?"

"Five." He grinned proudly.

"You really are a manwhore." Derek shook his head.

"At least I'm having fun," he motioned to a waitress, "unlike you, my friend."

Mark knew that Derek wasn't the kind of guy who liked one-night stands, but he definitely had to do something to make his friend feel better. Before Meredith, Derek only had one girlfriend. He never loved her the way he loved Meredith. Mark still couldn't believe that his idiotic brother broke up with the love of his life, just because he thought it was the right decision.

Sometimes Derek was brainless; and this was the guy who wanted to become a neurosurgeon.

Derek finished his drink, and when the waitress came over to their table, they both ordered another.

"I'm having fun," he replied, "But, unlike you, I don't have to fuck half of the hospital to have some."

Mark looked at him with sad eyes. "It sounds so bad when you say it that way. The women want me. I'm good looking. They can't resist." He winked at a brown-haired girl who was checking him out. She sat on the table to the left of them and glanced at Mark with seductive eyes.

"You're disgusting." Derek brushed a curl from his forehead and stared dazedly into space.

He wanted to talk to Meredith – to know how she was feeling. He hated himself for leaving her.

He knew that he badly hurt her. Everything was just so complicated.

What if he never saw her again?

"You definitely need to get laid, man." Mark stated, "Otherwise, you'll never get over her."

Mark wanted to help his friend, and that was the only way he could think of to help.

Derek looked up at him. "I miss her, Mark. She's just so special. I was sure that I was going to marry her one day. I thought that we'd have kids. Be a family."

Why did he apply for an internship in New York? The hospital in Charleston was not that bad, and he could've stayed with Meredith. He didn't think that they would pick him, but he wanted to try, and when he and Mark were accepted into the program, he couldn't believe it. His dream was about to come true. He had no idea how to tell Meredith.

At first, he thought it would work out, but then he thought about his two older sisters and the start of their internships.

"I know, but you have to get over her, and you will." Mark said, but secretly knew how much the two loved each other.

When Meredith first appeared in Charleston as a young girl, he and Derek spent almost every day with her. Either they played with her, or took care of her and Amy because their mother forced them to.

Everyone knew that Meredith had a crush on Derek when she was barely seven, and Mark loved it.

He was always talking about it when the entire family had been together. Finally, when Meredith turned sixteen, they decided to give a relationship a try. And now, after all these years of love, it was over. Mark tried to talk to Derek about breaking up with Mer, but Derek wouldn't listen.

Actually, Mark was still angry with his friend, but he tried to keep it back. It wouldn't help the situation if he got angry.

Derek shook his head. "I know that this was the best decision, but it doesn't make it any easier."

"Best decision my ass," Mark mumbled.

"Mark," Derek groaned, "I love her, but I don't want to hurt her like Ellis did. Do you understand?"

"You know how I feel about it. But maybe you're right." he sighed. "We're always at the hospital."

One thing was for sure. Mark Sloan would never have a girlfriend.

"I hope that she's alright. I wanted to call her, but—"

"First you break up with her, and now you wanna call her? Oh boy."

"I'm stupid, I know. At least she's not alone." Derek mumbled.

He thought about Alex. Alex was a good guy, even if other people thought otherwise. He'd take care of Meredith; he'd protect her. Ellis was never at home, and if she was, she barely talked to her daughter.

Tomorrow, he'd have to call his mom. Maybe Meredith showed up at her house.

"Yeah. She has Alex, and she knows that she can go to mom whenever she wants to." Mark agreed.

"Hopefully, she'll go to her." Derek breathed.

"Don't worry about her, Shep. She's going to be fine."

"I broke her, Mark," Derek said, frustrated.

"You didn't," Mark tried to calm his friend down, "She's—"

Derek stopped Mark. "I broke up with her. After that, I fucked her and—"

"Wait," Mark held up his hands. "You fucked her? After you broke up?"

Mark couldn't believe his ears. First he broke up with Meredith, and now that?

"Yes," Derek breathed in shame.

He tried to stop himself, but he had to feel her. He had to feel the curve of her hips and the muffled moans and whispers of affection from her throat. Her body just felt right against his. He had to do it even if he knew it would be the last time he saw her. She would probably never forgive him for what he did.

"Why?" Mark wanted to know, anger flashing in his eyes.

"I've tried to explain it to her, the reason why I wanted to break up...I told her that I love her, and then," he paused, "It just happened. I couldn't stop myself."

"Of course," Mark scoffed in disbelief.

"What do you want me to say, Mark? That I hate myself for leaving her?" Derek hissed.

"I want you to realize that you've left the girl you wanted to marry, you idiot," Mark snapped.

"I do," Derek said harshly, "Believe me, I do. But she deserves someone better than me."

"She loves you, Derek," Mark reminded him.

"After that?" Derek laughed bitterly, "No, I don't think so. We both have to move on. I can't turn back time even if I want to."

Derek sighed and gripped his shot of Scotch. He took a large swig of the remaining contents and clapped it roughly against the counter.

"It was my choice. I left the love of my life and now I have to live with it."


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Oh my, it's been over a month since I've updated this story (how I hate writer's block)

I'm really sorry for taking so long:(

But here is the next chapter.

Thank you guys so much for reading and reviewing:) Tell me what you think about it.

Meredith stretched her cramped muscles, sighing contently before she opened her

eyes. It had been years since Meredith had had a quiet morning like this. A moment where everything was completely clear.

They had been so busy with moving to Seattle that she had totally forgotten what it

was like to wake up without having to get up immediately. She wrapped the fluffy blanket tighter around her body and turned her face to the side so that she was able to look through to the outside world.

Seattle had always been known throughout the world for its constant raining weather. Therefore, Meredith was surprised to see that the sky's usual dark blue hue had slowly changed into a brighter baby blue, with no remnants of clouds to be seen. Every once in a while, she could hear birds singing, and cars driving through the surprisingly free streets. Meredith smiled contently. She hadn't felt this happy in a while.

"This is too good to be true"' she murmured softly to herself. She would have closed her eyes again to get more sleep in a heartbeat, but she couldn't.

Today would be her first day as an intern at SGH. She still couldn't believe it. She

had made it. She had finally made it. She was no longer Meredith Grey. No, she was Dr. Meredith Grey.

After her mother found out about the pregnancy, Meredith had moved in with Alex.

Ellis didn't think that Meredith would even finish med school, but she'd managed to

graduate at the top of her class though. Sure, it was not easy studying while having

a baby, but Meredith knew that she'd make it. She wanted to be a doctor and she made it happen. To this day her son was proud of all her accomplishments.

She had decided early on not to tell Derek about the baby. She was too afraid that he didn't want Liam, and no one was going to hurt her little boy if she had anything to say about it. He'd been her pride and joy ever since he had been born.

Closing her eyes, she began to think back to the day that Liam was born.

\

Five and A Half Years Earlier:

Meredith was lying in a hospital bed, her fists clenched and her breathing shallow. The

Intense pain came more and more frequently. She wanted to scream, but she pulled

herself together. Alex was not the one who had brought her into this situation.

She had been thinking about calling Derek, but she knew that he was happy in New

York. Meredith would never destroy his life. He couldn't manage to be a father. Not

now.

Besides, she didn't need him to get through this. The pregnancy had been like hell.

Maybe her son was angry because she didn't tell his father about his existence. Or

maybe, she was simply going crazy from the pain.

The baby was kicking slightly, trying to find the right position in her cramped

stomach.

When she had first felt him move, it was like magic; like a butterfly who was trying

to fly. But now, it just hurt like hell. She just wanted to hold him in her arms.

"I can't do this anymore," she hissed, tears in her eyes.

"You can," Alex smiled encouragingly at her, "Just two centimeters to go."

With that sentence, he had just earned a one-way ticket to hell.

Meredith gritted her teeth and waited for the next contraction to pass before she

could yell at him.

"Seriously? Do you know how I feel, Alex?" she yelped, turning her head to the side

to look into his eyes. "Do you wanna know what it feels like, huh? Giving birth?"

"Um, I..." Alex stammered. He thought that he had gotten used to her screaming

and yelling at him, but now he was scared.

"I can tell you," she snapped angrily, pain shooting through her entire body. "I'm

the lemon that is being crushed over one of those freaking juicers!"

"Do you want me to get the doctor?" Alex stood up, wanting to do something.

"Oh, you wanna leave?"

"I don't.."

"Don't say anything. Everyone has left me, so that's nothing new," she sobbed, her

hormones going crazy. "And I don't need the doctor!"

"I just thought that he could give you something for the pain, that's all," Alex said

quietly. Meredith nodded and sighed audibly.

Alex sat back down and took her small hand in his to calm her down. He ignored

the throbbing in his hand.

"I miss Derek, Alex," she confessed truthfully.

"I can call him," Alex offered.

He hated Derek for leaving Meredith, and if it were up to him, he'd never know

about the baby. But this wasn't his decision.

"No. I have to let him go," she whispered, "I wanted him to stay with me because

he loves me, and not because he feels responsible for his son."

Another contraction rippled through her body.

"I need to push this baby out, right now," she whimpered.

"Just take a deep breath," Alex advised.

"I swear, it was his plan to get me pregnant. That damn bastard wanted me to suffer. If I ever see him again, I'm going to kill him," she groaned.

"Um," Alex cleared his throat, "I don't think so."

"Oh, so you think it's my fault? Do you think I wanted to get pregnant?"

Alex had no idea what to say. He was afraid that if he'd say something wrong, that

she'd try to kill him, so he remained silent.

Six long and painful hours later, her baby boy was born. A perfect combination

between her and Derek.

\

Back in reality, at that thought, her lips curled into a loving smile as she decided to

get up to start the day. Not only was today her first day of work, but it was also

Liam's first day of school. He had talked about it non-stop for months. He was so

excited, and so was she. Her little boy was just getting older. He was growing up way to fast for her liking.

A glance at the clock told her that she probably had half an hour to herself before

Liam would get up and burst into her room. She always tried to get up at least one hour earlier before him so that she could get herself ready and start preparing breakfast.

She was about to take a shower when suddenly, the door of her room opened and a

little boy with curly blond hair ran in.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Liam shouted happily.

"Good morning, little man," she laughed while ruffling his curls, which mirrored his

father's perfectly.

"Morning, Mommy," he smiled.

"Did you sleep well? Or were you too excited?" Meredith gently gave him a kiss on

the cheek, like every morning.

"I couldn't sleep," he breathed and looked down.

"Oh sweetie," she hugged him tightly, "you could have come to me. You know that,

right?"

"I went to Uncle Alex, and we played a game on the PlayStation," he smiled.

"Oh, really?" she asked raising an eyebrow.

She definitely had to talk to Alex about that. She always told him that Liam was too

young to play on the PlayStation, but he didn't seem to care.

"Yep! It was really cool, Mommy. And he told me that all the girls are going to love

me."

"Did he?" She rolled her eyes and smirked at the thought of Alex telling her son

that.

"Yeah, because I'm good lookin', and all of them will love my hair!" Liam touched

his hair proudly, as if he wanted to prove it.

"Did Uncle Alex tell you that shi–," she cleared her throat, catching herself, "um,

stuff?"

"Yep," he nodded. "Is he right, Mommy? Will everyone at school like me?" Worry in

his eyes matched the tinge of nervousness in his voice.

"Sure, little man. Everyone is going to love you," Meredith smiled at him.

"Good," he breathed a sigh of relief.

"Well," she huffed out before opening the door, "Are you hungry?"

"Are we going to have pancakes?" he asked excitedly, following her out of the

room.

Liam definitely hadn't inherited all his father's eating habits. The first time she had

given him muesli for breakfast, he was mad at her for three hours. And that was a

lot for a three-year old. Of course, he liked vegetables and other healthy stuff, and

at least he knew what to eat for a good breakfast. Pancakes were one of his favorites.

Liam knew that on special days, he could decide what to eat. And today was a

special day, for all of them.

"I don't know," she replied, "Are you going to be a good boy?"

"Please, Mommy! Please!" he whimpered, "I'll be a good boy at school. Promise!"

"Will you?" She stopped and looked down at him expectantly smiling teasingly.

His blue eyes, that always reminded her of Derek, were sparkling. "I promise!"

"Okay." Meredith kissed his hair and led him down to the kitchen.

Ellis, who was now working in Boston, had given her the house. Their relationship

wasn't like any normal mother-daughter relationship, but at least they could talk

to each other without screaming, and Ellis adored her grandson, which was the

most important thing to Meredith.

Ellis had not been excited about Meredith having a baby, but when she had first

seen Liam, he had captivated her. To Meredith, it was like her mother had become

a totally different person when she was around Liam. Alex always joked about it

when they were alone.

Meredith knew that Ellis felt sorry about everything she had done wrong in the past,

but Meredith didn't care. It was good that Ellis loved Liam.

"You and Uncle Alex will drop me off at school, right?" Liam wanted to know while

they walked down the stairs.

"Yep," she nodded. "And Amanda is picking you up."

He sighed audibly. "She doesn't let me watch TV."

He was probably talking about his grandmother's surgery tapes, which he couldn't

get enough of. Two years ago, when she had been at home with Liam, she thought

that he had been asleep when she decided to watch one of her mother's surgeries.

She took some notes and hadn't seen Liam coming in, when he suddenly gasped.

At first she had no idea how to handle the situation, but after she had explained

everything to him, he told her that he wanted to become a surgeon like his mother

and grandmother. She had laughed, and now, he was obsessed.

"You can play or something," she shrugged.

"But I wanna watch one of Grandma's..."

"Liam Grey, don't even start. There are lots of other things that you can do, and

you know it," Meredith told her son. He pouted in reply

"When I have a day off, we'll watch some of her surgeries, deal?" she winked at

him.

"Deal," he said, face brightening up. He really was too smart for his age.

Meredith could smell the coffee even before she entered the kitchen.

Sometimes, Alex was a good roommate. Not always, but sometimes he was. If she

was honest with herself, she knew that without his help; it wouldn't have been that

easy, raising her son. Alex was more of the cool uncle, who was always there for

them.

Sometimes, she wondered what Derek would say about them having a son together. Would he be happy? She often reasoned, probably not. He had broken up with her,

because of his career. He'd just hurt Liam, if he were around. It was better this way.

And if Liam would start asking more about his dad, she would not keep him from

Derek. Unless Derek didn't want to see his son.

She had told Liam that his Daddy was a surgeon but couldn't be with them because

he worked far, far away. That was enough for Liam at this point. When someone

asked about his dad he always enthusiastically explained that he was saving lives,

which was the coolest thing ever.

Meredith often wondered if he was still in New York, and if he missed her. He

probably had everything he had ever wanted in his life.

That damn asshole.

She had no idea what she'd do if she ever saw him. She would punch him.

She'd definitely punch him.

"There you guys are," came Alex's cheerful voice from the kitchen.

"Morning," she said while remembering about the PlayStation. She threw an angry

look at Alex, "We have to talk."

"Are you mad at him?" Liam asked quietly.

"No," Meredith shook her head; "I have to talk to him about work. Do you wanna

help me with the pancakes?"

"Yep," he grinned.

"Good. Then wash your hands," she pointed to the door.

"I'll be right back," he quickly ran to the bathroom.

"Ah, don't give me that look, Mer," Alex yawned, "First, I need coffee."

She went to the fridge, taking out some ingredients for pancakes.

"Stop corrupting my son. He was talking about girls, Alex, girls! And his hair? Seriously?!" she snapped. "He's not even six. You're just like Mark."

"I'm not." He pouted slightly in defiance.

"You are," Meredith snickered.

"I told him the truth! If he's doing it right, the girls will love him! And what's wrong

about that?" he said, amused.

"Just shut up. And don't do that again. He's too small for that."

"Okay, Mom," he winked at her.

"I hate you sometimes," she laughed.

"You love me," he replied and took three cups from the cupboard.

"I don't. I just can't shake you off," she smirked. "Oh, how's the thing going with Sandy?"

"Sandy?"

"The girl from the grocery store, you moron," she reminded him.

"Oh. Well, we had a date, slept together, but I haven't heard anything from her

since," he shrugged.

"I could use some sex," she sighed, "It's been a long time."

"Well..." he smirked.

"Oh God, stop it," she groaned, annoyed.

Alex loved driving her nuts.

"See?" Liam came back in, holding his hands up in the air.

"Good boy," Meredith smiled.

"I taught him well," Alex turned around to Liam. "Right, buddy?"

"Maybe," Liam giggled.

"I'm hurt," Alex shook his head, grasping at his chest jokingly. "I thought you liked

me."

"I do, silly."

These were the moments she loved so much, just spending time with her son and

her best friend. A life without her boy was unimaginable for Meredith. Derek may

have left her, but she would always be grateful for her son.

After the breakup, she didn't know if she'd survive it. Even visiting Carolyn was too

much. She couldn't handle it. They had finished eating breakfast when Meredith's

phone rang.

"Can you get him ready?" she asked Alex before she answered the call.

He just nodded and went upstairs with Liam.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Meredith," her mother greeted her.

"Oh, hi Mom," she replied and started filling the dishwasher.

"I hope you'll be on time today." Ellis mused.

"Of course, Mom," Meredith said.

"Great," she breathed, "I still don't know if..."

Meredith quickly interrupted her mother. Ellis thought that Seattle was the wrong

choice, probably because of Richard Webber, who was the chief at SGH. He and

Ellis had had an affair when they had lived in Seattle. Meredith barely knew him.

She had no problem working in his hospital.

"Seattle is great, stop worrying. He's going to treat me like the others."

"Hopefully." Ellis paused. "How is Liam?" The mention of her grandson made her

voice sound more gentle than before.

"He's good," Meredith smiled. "He's excited about school."

"I can imagine," Ellis laughed. "Look, I have to go, tell him that I love him, okay?"

"Yeah, will do."

As Meredith hung up, she could hear Alex and Liam talking so she hurried to

take a shower.

Meredith relaxed when the hot water ran down her body, warming her from the outside in. When she had finished minutes later, she stepped out and wrapped herself in a fluffy blue towel. If someone would've seen her, the person would probably think that she was on drugs. No one grinned like a fool at 07:15 AM, and she knew it. She couldn't help it, though.

Meredith's body shook with excitement. She was in the game, finally.

"Dr. Meredith Grey," she whispered to herself, staring at the mirrors reflective surface.

She hadn't changed much in the last six years. Of course, Meredith had known that

her body wasn't going to look exactly like it did before the pregnancy, but she

seemed to have gotten lucky.

After a few months, she was able to go back to her pre-baby-body. The only change

she ever noticed were her wider hips, but she could live with that.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Get your ass out here, Mer!" Alex said loudly.

She could hear Liam gasping. "That was a bad word, Uncle Alex."

"You didn't hear that," Alex mumbled, kicking at the doorjamb.

"I did" Liam giggled. "You're in trouble now, Uncle Alex!"

"No, I'm not. I'm not a kid," he winked.

"That's not fair!" Liam pouted.

"Why don't you go get your backpack?" Alex suggested.

Meredith quickly changed into a pair of blue jeans and a soft, purple sweater, before she opened the door to her room.

"I think I have two kids," she mocked.

"You don't," Alex replied.

"Uh-huh," Meredith quickly grabbed her shoes, giggling.

"You're..."

Meredith cut him off.

"So, where is your backpack?" she asked her son.

"Um," Liam paused, thinking, "I think it's in my room!"

"Okay, let's look for it," she took his hand and turned to Alex, who was watching

them with a smile. "Can you..."

"His lunch is ready, and so is our coffee," he finished her sentence.

"Thanks."

"And I'm not a kid," Alex called after them.

"Will you be home tonight?" Liam wanted to know, while she helped him put his

jacket on.

"I have to work," she said sadly. "Saving lives, remember?"

This was the only thing she already hated about her job. Liam would always be her

first priority, but she had to work her hours or else she couldn't support them.

"But, I'm going to pick you up tomorrow," Meredith grinned. "Sound good?"

"Yep," he smiled, "I'll miss you a lot. Both of you."

"Oh baby, we'll miss you too," Meredith said, tears forming in her eyes. Alex appeared at

the doorway, leaning against it.

"We will," he echoed. Meredith knelt down to hug her son.

"I'll call you before you go to bed. I promise," she whispered into his ear.

"Kay," he breathed.

Hopefully, she'd keep her promise. Meredith had no idea that soon, she'd have to worry about other things.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: I _just want_ to say _thank you_ to everyone who has taken the time to _read_ my story and especially to those who _reviewed_ , liked, and _favorited it:)_

I have no idea when the next chapter will be posted, but I'll try to write a chapter or two when I'm not studying.

I hope you won't hate me for this, but the ride won't be easy for them.

 _If you have questions_ or _suggestions, please feel free to send me a PM:)_

(And yes, this is a MerDer story, so don't worry):)

As always, reviews are appreciated:)

Today was the day. The day she had been working her ass off for. This was all for the goal of graduating at the top of her class. Today, a completely new chapter in her life was about to start. She was ready to take the chance to show everyone that she wasn't weak.

She thought back to the times in which she had no idea what to do with herself or the situation of having a baby. She'd often found herself sitting in her dirty, unkempt, dark apartment with a loudly crying baby in her arms, tightly curled to her chest, thinking about all the possibilities of the future.

Honestly, Meredith had been scared, had no idea what the future might hold in store for her. She worried about how she would get through every obstacle thrown her way, and more importantly, if she would be a good mother to Liam.

When she was little, Meredith's mother had always been working, so she didn't know what a real, mother was like. Then there was the question of if she would be able to fulfill her dream of becoming a surgeon, even if she had a baby.

At that time, constant fatigue and anxiety had determined her daily life. She didn't know how she was able to manage everything. The only thing she knew was that she'd never become like Ellis. Never. No way.

Her beautiful son was what remained of Derek, the love of her life. She'd always be there for her little boy. She was going to be an amazing mother. She had to remind herself of that. Meredith would give him all the love she could possibly give.

After Meredith had found out about the pregnancy, Alex had decided to take a year off from school. He wanted it for two reasons. On one hand, he would be able to take care of Meredith and the baby, and on the other hand, they would start med school at the same time. For a long time, they had discussed whether Alex really had made the right decision, but now she knew that it had been the right thing to do. Everything had changed for the better.

They were sitting in the car on their way to the hospital, having dropped Liam off at school, when Alex suddenly broke the silence.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, notice Meredith's thoughtful expression.

Of course, Meredith had shed some tears when she had handed Liam off to the teacher at the school. She knew that the other kids would love him, but she was constantly worried. She just hoped deep down that he would have a good day. Leaning back, Meredith listened to the quiet, soothing voice on the radio from a female singer fill the car.

'From here, there's nothing but horizon.

Near dawn, I'm searching for the sunrise.

Remember when you put the stars into my eyes,

Wasn't it kind of wonderful?'

Meredith smiled softly. It was almost like a lullaby.

"Mer?" Alex looked at her briefly, and then focused back on the busy traffic in front of him. At this time of the day, the streets were full of cars.

Meredith sighed in reply. "Nothing."

Alex raised an eyebrow, but said nothing more. She'd start talking when she was feeling up to it.

"I've been thinking about how everything has changed," she said a few minutes later.

"It's not how it used to be."

"That's true. Since Liam was born, everything has changed," he agreed, mirroring the soft smile she gave him.

"I'm an intern now," she breathed. "Did you think that I could do it?" She had turned her head to the right and was looking out the window, her fingers tightly clasped together. They drummed lightly against the windowsill.

"Of course I knew," he nodded. "You did everything to make this all work. You wanted to prove that you'd go your own way, even if it wasn't that easy. You're a strong woman, and a great mother."

"Maybe," she whispered. "I just can't believe it."

"I can," Alex, grinned, "We're going to kick ass. Especially me."

"You think so," she smirked. "I'm Ellis Grey's daughter. Genes are definitely on my side."

"Oh, now you're playing that card?" he laughed, turning into the parking lot of the hospital.

"I can say it in front of you. You already know, idiot," she replied. "Hopefully, the others won't find out that quickly...that I'm the great Ellis Grey's daughter."

"You have to work more than the rest of us to prove yourself. Our resident knows exactly who you are." He shrugged and turned the ignition off.

"Thanks for your words, Alex," Meredith said sarcastically, as she unbuckled hers seatbelt. She grabbed the black bag that was beneath her feet. "I knew I could count on you."

"Always," he laughed, climbing out of the car.

"Ass," she mumbled to herself.

"You love me. Admit it." Alex took the bag from her hand and together, they walked up toward the entrance of the hospital; their soon-to-be second home.

The last time Meredith had entered this hospital, her parents had still been married. She already knew that something had been wrong between her parents because of the constant fighting, but she didn't think that her father would leave her.

Now that she was older, she understood why her father could no longer stay with Ellis. But, now that she had a child of her own, she wondered why he had decided to leave his little daughter behind. How could a parent cut his own child out of his life?

She wondered if Derek, had he known about the pregnancy, would leave her anyway. Would his career mean so much to him, that he'd take it in stride to never know his son? After leaving his apartment that day, she had never heard from Derek again. She often had to resist the urge to call Carolyn, but in the end, she couldn't do it anyway. Meredith was sure that Carolyn and the whole Shepherd family hated her. They'd especially hate her, if they'd found about Liam. She had kept him from them for almost five and a half years.

The first six months after the breakup, she had ignored all of Carolyn's calls and messages. She couldn't go to Carolyn's house, especially because she couldn't hide the pregnancy. Before she had given birth, she wrote a letter to Carolyn, explaining that she'd gone somewhere else to forget everything.

Meredith didn't know how she should have confronted the grandmother of her child, the mother of the love of her life, to tell her that she was carrying Derek's son. Meredith wouldn't be responsible for ensuring that Derek gave up his dreams, not because of her, not because of their child.

If he had wanted to stay with her, he would have made the decision on his own. But he hadn't come back. He hadn't even tried to call her or reach out to her. She was in the past.

It was no longer important, though. Meredith had left it behind as well. Today, something new started.

The bottom of her wet shoes squeaked on the bright tile floor. Thick raindrops glistened in her blonde locks. Meredith didn't notice it, though. She had arrived at her destination.

The smell of antiseptics, disgusting cafeteria food, paper, and the crisp cold air of the air conditioning system that blew throughout the hospital streamed into her nostrils, but it wasn't something new to her. Before she met the Shepherds, Meredith had to spend a lot of time in hospitals, fortunately not as a patient.

Most nurses who knew her played with her if they had enough time. Otherwise, they gave her an old chart on which she could scribble. When she turned four, she decided to learn reading, so that she could read her charts.

Meredith looked around while she and Alex were on the way to the metal elevators. Nothing had really changed. Of course, she no longer knew every single corner and crevice of the hospital, but she felt comfortable. It was like coming back home.

"You know where to go, right?" Alex whispered teasingly in her ear as they stood along with the others in front of the elevators.

"Are you afraid that you'll get lost?" she quipped as she pressed the button.

"Do I look as though I'd get lost? The hospital is not that big," he grinned.

"No, of course not," she replied with a small, teasing smile, and the doors opened.

Aside from them, there were still two other people in the elevator; a woman with long, shiny red hair who looked like an actress rather than a patient or upcoming doctor. The second person was an elderly man with wispy gray hair and deep wrinkles. Meredith was not sure whether he was a patient, or whether he wanted to visit someone. Meredith had no idea. She turned to Alex.

"I actually have no idea where the locker room is. This place isn't the same anymore. Do you know where to go?"

Alex raised a quizzical eyebrow at her from where he was leaning against the wall.

"You're kidding, right?"

She shook her head, a sheepish expression appearing on her face.

"I thought you knew," Alex snapped. "I told you, and you wanted to write it down."

Her eyes widened. "Well, shit."

"Great," Alex groaned. "Now we need to ask someone. On the first day. Fuck."

Meredith knew how tense Alex was. He would always play the emotionless guy, but he had something to prove as well. She took the ringing that informed them that they had reached the first floor as an opportunity to calm him down.

"I know where we need to go," she laughed, a sly grin on her face, and the redhead smiled in amusement, before the two left the elevator.

"Are you serious, Mer?" Alex hissed at her, clearly not amused.

"Come on, Alex. That was funny." She said smiling sweetly at him.

"You're crazy."

"Yeah, I know."

Together they entered the locker room and were immediately greeted with a murmur of at least twenty voices. They were all talking at once creating an unintelligible sound.

"Ready to go," she smiled and started looking for a locker for her belongings.

She had just put everything inside when someone started talking next to her.

"Hey! My name is Izzie," the blonde offered her hand in greeting.

"Um, hi. I'm Meredith," she smiled at the woman.

Apparently, the locker beside hers belonged to Izzie. Meredith looked over her shoulder and saw Alex standing with a black-haired, probably Asian girl, who was talking to him. He didn't seem to look happy at the prospect.

"I didn't see you at the mixer yesterday. Where were you?" Izzie asked cheerfully. Her inherent cheerfulness perplexed Meredith.

Meredith had chosen not to go to the intern mixer. She had preferred to spend the evening with her son and play with him than chat with people who had been drinking too much. Although she was the same age as the others, she was not interested in partying or drinking. That was in the past.

"I had a lot to do. I didn't have time to go to it," she answered Izzie's question.

It wasn't the truth, but it wasn't a lie either. She had bought a few things to complete Liam's room and make it feel more at home. She wanted him to live in a house where he felt comfortable and safe. Thinking about her son, Meredith had to resist the urge to call the school and ask about Liam. He was not a baby anymore. She never wanted to be an over-protective mother, but she had become one.

"Oh, okay," Izzie smiled, watching as Meredith dug through the huge pile of blue scrubs, looking for her size.

After a few minutes, she had found a pair and quickly changed into them. When she looked down at herself, she was overcome with the feeling of joy. She had really made it.

The light-blue scrubs clung softly to her body, and the sterile smell that emanated from the stiff fabric calmed her racing heartbeat down. Everything would be all right.

The Asian girl came over to Meredith.

"I'm Cristina Yang, and you are?"

"Meredith, just Meredith," Meredith said.

"So, do you know that moron over there?" Cristina asked, pointing at Alex.

"I do," Meredith sighed. "He's my best friend."

"Oh boy. That idiot has friends?" Cristina snorted.

"He does," Meredith giggled. "But if you get to know him, you'll like him."

"Ah, I don't think so," Cristina answered nonchalantly.

Suddenly, the annoyed voice of a man cut through the sea of voices. "Grey, Stevens, Karev, and Yang." Meredith turned to face the sound of the voice.

"Your resident is waiting." He pointed his finger to the door.

"Bailey?" Meredith asked.

The man just shrugged.

The group went out of the room, looking for their resident.

"That's the Nazi?" Alex asked, while staring at the woman, who was talking to a nurse, laughing.

"She's hot," he whistled quietly.

"I thought the Nazi would be a guy," Izzie stammered, her eyes wide open.

"I thought the Nazi," Meredith paused, "I mean...would be a Nazi..."

"Clearly not," Cristina groaned. "She looks like Barbie over here." She looked at Izzie.

"Right, Barbie?"

Izzie looked like she wanted to say something, but the "Nazi" started talking.

"Good morning, interns," she looked at each of them in turn, "My name is Arizona Robbins-"

"I thought it was Bailey" Cristina piped up.

"Dr. Bailey is at another hospital with some other doctors. That's why I'm your resident for today," she smiled kindly.

No one said anything. They were just waiting for Dr. Robbins to continue.

"After Dr. Webber's speech, we'll talk about the rules, and then I'm going to assign you to different specialties. Tomorrow, you'll have to deal with Dr. Bailey," she smiled knowingly. They all had no idea what was about to hit them tomorrow.

"Dr. Karev, you are with me. Dr. Stevens, you're with Dr. Brown. You," she pointed to Cristina, who looked pissed off, "you're with Dr. Hunt."

Meredith cleared her throat. "Dr. Robbins?"

She turned around. "Oh, I'm sorry," she said apologetically smiling softly. "You're with Dr. Montgomery today."


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hi:) So, it's not overly long, but I hope you like it! Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and especially to those who reviewed, liked, and favorited it:)  
As always, reviews are appreciated:)

The sleeping city had already been gently covered in a big, thick blanket of darkness. Slivers of the moonlight broke the darkness letting in light. It was 12:00 A.M when a physically exhausted Derek Shepherd had unlocked the door to his apartment.

He quietly took off his shoes and threw his keys on the kitchen table. He definitely needed something to drink, but first he had to take off his jacket, which was completely soaked from the rain.

After changing into his pajamas and grabbing a beer out of the refrigerator, Derek shuffled into the dark living room and sat down on hos couch. He'd have to get up early, but first he'd try to relax, at least for a little bit.

He gratefully embraced the deep silence that greeted him. If Derek was honest to himself, after almost a year, he hadn't been able to really get used to the weather here in Seattle. Including the constant rain everyday. Okay, most of the time he was stuck in the hospital, but he honestly couldn't think of anyone who liked the rain, especially when it interrupted his love of fishing.

Derek sighed and took a long sip from his cold beer. It burned down his esophagus, but he welcomed the slight pain with open arms. Over the weekend, he had been visiting his family in Charleston. Lizzie had given birth to a little boy. He was so proud of his sister. He was wondering who was going to get pregnant next. He guessed that it was probably going to be Kat.

His sisters were seriously like rabbits. He already had four nieces and two nephews. The likelihood that his sisters would stop producing now was low. He knew that his mom wanted him to settle down, to have kids, but he was not ready for it yet. It'd be hard enough to find the right woman.

While it had been great to see his family again, he missed his work while he was gone. His mother always told him that he was a workaholic, and she was right. He couldn't even try to deny it. Finding a woman who would want to settle down with a guy, who was basically working all day, everyday..., that was going to be tough.

Derek closed his eyes and started thinking about the past six years. Six years in which everything had changed. After the five years that he had worked in New York at Mount Sinai, he had decided that it had been time for a change of scenery.

His mentor, Dr. Morrison, was great, but not one of the greatest in the field of neurosurgery. Derek knew all his techniques by heart, but he also knew that Morrison had been trying to hold him back. He had no idea why, but it was another reason why he had to transfer to another hospital.

He needed someone who was going to push him to his limits, and Dr. Morrison was definitely not the right guy for that. Derek even had the feeling that he'd been relieved when Derek informed him of his intention to leave. Mark, however, had been another story.

At first, when Derek had told him that he wanted to leave New York, Mark had been pissed off. Eventually though, he'd cooled off, and after a few drinks Mark had given Derek a speech about being brothers, and brotherly love, and that he'd come to Seattle too as soon as he could find a job there. Derek could swear that he had seen some tears in Mark's eyes, but the ass was never going to admit it. That he knew for sure. No way in hell was Mark going to cry.

Derek was relieved that all the doctors had accepted him immediately after he had started working at Seattle Grace Hospital, and now he almost felt as if they were like a family. Well, except for Dr. Bailey. She was like a Nazi. That woman knew everything.

The first time they had met, she had called him a moron, stating that he was only concerned about his hair. He had no idea how to respond, so he had been left standing where she left him, looking like a deer caught in the headlights, ready to escape at a moments notice.

Dr. Bailey was scary, especially for a short woman. She could have kicked his ass, badly if she wanted too. But she was a part of the family. Derek smiled. Life was good for him. He had a good job, his family was doing well, and for the past two months he'd been dating a beautiful redhead named Addison Montgomery.

Addison had started her internship in Seattle, so she basically knew the place like her home. She had been the one who had helped him when he was getting lost in the halls of the hospital. Derek found himself spending a lot of time with her, even though they hadn't chosen the same specialty.

At first, they just had gone out for drinks after work, but after quite some time they had started dating. He wasn't even sure if he really was in love with her, but he definitely liked her, and that was enough, at least for the beginning. Only time would tell if they'd get into a serious relationship, and Derek felt like he had enough time to find out.

Nevertheless, he had decided to not tell his mother about Addison. No woman could reach her expectations, except Meredith Grey, the girl his mom still called one of her daughters, even though she hadn't seen Meredith in a very long time.

Meredith. His Meredith.

Derek couldn't think of a single day when he wasn't thinking about her.

He missed her constantly; the strawberry smell of her hair, her soft giggle, and the way she spoke. It was no longer that painful to think about her, not like it had been six years ago, but she was still an important part in his life, and she'd always be.

Together they had mourned the loss of his dad. Only when he had held her in his arms, Derek was able to grieve, to let the tears fall down. He had known that he was the man of the house and that he had to keep an eye on his family, like his father had done it, before he had been killed.

Meredith also had lost someone, but she had been strong for him. Sometimes, she even had managed to make him laugh, and at that time he already knew that she was a special little girl.

There were bitter memories as well, but also so many sweet and wonderful ones that he associated with her. She was his soul mate after all, and he had abandoned her so easily. But now he couldn't do anything to change the past.

Life went on, without pausing for a moment. There was nothing he could do to change anything. He had made the choice to leave her, and now he had to live with the consequences.

Still, Derek found himself wondering if Meredith had followed her dreams and gone to med school after all. Derek really hoped that Meredith was fine. His mother had told him that she had left after their breakup, and that Ellis no longer worked in Charleston.

Sometimes he thought about calling her, but he reasoned that she had changed her number. Maybe she wanted to forget about him, forget about everything. He couldn't blame her. He had hurt Meredith.

His cellphone rang cutting off his thoughts. Without looking at the caller ID, he answered the call.

"Hello?" He put his beer bottle down and waited for the caller to speak.

"Are you at home?" Addison, who sounded slightly out of breath, answered.

"Yeah," he told her, pausing to take a look at his watch. "Came home half an hour ago."

"Okay," Addison responded. Over the phone line, Derek could hear her closing a door.

"I'm sure you're tired and all, but Dr. Nelson is already operating..."

Derek knew exactly what she was asking for, and he couldn't stop the smile spreading over his face.

"I'll be there in 15 minutes, alright?"

Addison laughed. "I knew I could count on you. And be nice, I have an intern with me."

Derek had totally forgotten about the new interns, who had started that day. He just hoped that Addison hadn't been saddled with a complete idiot.

"I'm going to try," he sighed dramatically to Addison.

"Good. Meet me in the ER."

Derek got up and went into his bedroom. He couldn't risk someone seeing him in his pajamas. That'd be weird.

"Okay. Just need to change, and then I'll be there," he told her.

"Great! And thanks!" Addison said quickly.

Derek took a deep breath, but she disconnected the call before he could say anything else. People who were not as crazy as he was would probably hate the fact to had to go to work, even if technically, they were still on vacation, but Derek could already feel the excitement and adrenaline flowing through his body. He couldn't wait to get back to work. The fatigue that he had felt before the call was completely gone, with the promise of a surgery causing him to brim with excitement. He was ready to save a life.

Little did Derek know as he quickly dressed and headed for the door that a surgery was not the only thing waiting for him. He was about to get one hell of a surprise that would change his life, forever.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Hi:) So, it's not overly long, but I hope you like it! Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read my story and especially to those who reviewed, liked, and favorited it:)  
As always, reviews are appreciated:)

Normally, Meredith was used to functioning without much sleep, but today it was different. She was constantly worrying about Liam. She knew that Amanda would take good care of him, but this was the longest time she hadn't seen him, though. If she was honest to herself, Meredith hated the fact that she had to work, while her baby boy was at home. Not that she couldn't trust Amanda, she couldn't have never find someone who was as great as she was, but Meredith felt guilty for leaving him alone. What should she do if Liam had a bad dream while she was at work or even worse? What would she do if he got sick? Besides the Chief, and Alex, of course, no one at the hospital knew about the fact that she had a little boy, who was waiting for her at home. No one knew about the smart, curly –headed blonde haired little guy who depended on her. Should she have told Cristina and Izzie while they had eaten lunch?

No.

From what she had seen of Cristina, or maybe she should call her the queen of sarcasm, Meredith was sure that Cristina would forever call her "the diaper-cleaner-lady" or something like that. Everyone who was not only living for surgeries shouldn't be a doctor. Yeah, Cristina was probably thinking something like that. But Meredith was going to have both. A good career and a family. She would never repeat her mother's mistakes.

Izzie wasn't in any way like Cristina. Meredith didn't know if she should be grateful, though. Izzie was just too…girly? Cheerful even? But Meredith couldn't complain. Actually, the few times she had talked to Cristina or Izzie had been quite funny. She'd have enough time to get to know them. And at some point she'd tell them about Liam.

Meredith was sitting outside on a wooden bench, enjoying the cold breeze against her skin as it blew her blonde hair away from her face. Thank God it had stopped raining. The air tasted crisp. Almost sweet. Before her break would end, Meredith decided to call Amanda, again. The woman probably thought that she was completely nuts. But anyways, she'd call her. Meredith had talked to Liam right after dinner. He sounded happy and told her about the things he and Amanda had done that day. No, there was no need for her to feel guilty. Her little boy was happy, and that was the only thing that mattered to her.

She was grabbing for her phone, when suddenly, her pager beeped loudly, startling her. "Damn," she hissed under her breath and stood up.

Liam was fine. She didn't have to call. If something were wrong, Amanda would tell her right? Right?

Meredith made her quick steps up to the ER, where a nurse was waving her hand, trying to get her attention. With her index finger, she was pointing at Dr. Montgomery, who was pushing the curtains aside.

Meredith could already hear a woman screaming. When she stepped inside, she could see why. Her chest was heaving, her hair sticking to her temples that were incased with sweat. Her face was scarlet, straining in pain. Oh, having a baby wasn't fun, Meredith remembered just too well.

"It fucking hurts!" She screamed.

"It's going to be okay, Melissa," Dr. Montgomery spoke softly, while a nurse handed Meredith the chart

"Melissa Nichols, 25, 38 weeks pregnant, 7 centimeters dilated. She's complaining of headaches after her car swerved and hit a bridge embankment," Meredith stated.

"Okay, Melissa. Can you tell me where it hurts?" Dr. Montgomery asked, while putting a pair of gloves on, motioning for Meredith to do the same.

"Everywhere," she gasped, "Make it stop."

"Who's going to check on her head?" Meredith inquired, stepping closer.

"I've paged someone, he'll be right here," the doctor replied. "Could you please insert an IV?"

"Sure," Meredith smiled, happy to be able to do something.

"Okay, Melissa, I'm going to examine you now, and Dr. Grey will insert an IV, all right?" She took Melissa's feet, and put them in the stirrups.

Melissa just nodded.

"You're doing great, Melissa," Meredith murmured, wiping the back of her hand with a disinfectant.

"I don't want to do this alone," she sobbed, tears rolling down her flushed cheeks.

"We're here with you, you're not alone, Melissa." Meredith could imagine how hard it had to be for the young woman. Luckily, she had Alex, but it seemed, as Melissa had no one.

In the calm between waves of pain, Melissa began to explain. "My boyfriend and I," she swallowed, "We were happy, but he didn't want to have kids. And when I got pregnant…he left. He just left me."

"I can imagine how you feel," Meredith whispered quietly, "But I won't leave your side, okay?" She asked, while taping the IV in place.

Melissa needed someone, and somehow, Meredith felt responsible for her.

"Okay," The woman breathed.

"Do you know what you're having?" Meredith tried to get her to think about other things than her pain, or her shitty ex-boyfriend.

"A boy," a smile appeared on her face, "I always wanted to have a boy."

Before Meredith could answer, he heard his voice - No, it couldn't be him. He was in New York, far away. Her eyes were flashing, the pounding of her heart quickening. She remembered their last talk when he had said, "I know you'd do anything to make it work, but it's better this way, Mer. For both of us." Who had said that it was better? Him! She'd done anything to make their relationship work, but he didn't want her; he had left. She closed her eyes, trying by sheer will to calm the anger flowing through her veins, anger that felt like hot, burning flames of a newly lit fire. He had not only left her. Meredith knew that she couldn't blame him for not being there for Liam, but still. And why was he here? Why didn't he stay in New York?

"What do we have?" Derek Shepherd, the only man she had ever loved, the father of her son asked calmly.

Dr. Montgomery was still examining Melissa. "Glad that you could make it," she looked up, giving him a smile, "Dr. Grey?" She questioned.

Melissa's screaming brought her back to reality. No, he wouldn't show him that she was still not over him. Hell, she hadn't seen him for six years. Six fucking years! The way Dr. Gorgeous looked at him, she'd bet her ass off that they were doing the nasty nasty. Who knew, maybe they had children. He had wanted to leave her because he thought that him working all the time would ruin their relationship, but it seemed as if he had changed his mind. Ass. No, she would play her game. "Um…Yeah. Melissa Nichols, 25, 38 weeks pregnant, 7 centimeters dilated. She's complaining of headaches after her car swerved and hit a bridge embankment," she repeated, looking into his eyes.

"Eight," Dr. Montgomery corrected, "Someone is impatient."

"Yeah," Derek breathed, just staring at Meredith, as if she were a ghost.

He probably thought that he'd never see her again - but she was here, and she wouldn't be leaving anytime soon.

The entire time she acted as if she didn't know him, acting professional. But she could see that he wanted to talk to her; and they would talk. After her first shift as an intern ended. She wanted him to feel like shit, and he would. But first she had to be there for Melissa. And she needed to talk to Alex. Oh boy, he was going to be pissed off.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N: I have not abandoned this story and I'm really sorry that this took so long:(

But here is the new chapter!

Hope you guys enjoy it, and please leave a comment;)

The night was wrapping the day in its dark blanket. The moon was shining like a pale disc just over the horizon, with only one bright star next to it. The heat from his body was slowly leaching into the night air, making Derek shiver as he made his way over to a wooden bench. While sitting down, he let out a deep sigh. Right now, he had to keep it together.

After checking on Melissa, his pregnant patient from earlier, Derek was immediately pulled into a surgery. Though sure he was awake, he felt as though this was a dream, and he didn't know if it were good or bad yet.

When Addison had called him, he was happy to be able to go back to work, to their safe lives; but, he hadn't expected to see her- Meredith. He wanted to say something, get her to understand that he was still sorry for everything that had happened in the past, all the pain he had caused. But when he stared directly into eyes as cold and harsh as jet, he knew that he wouldn't be able to fix it with a simple apology. She was unlike any other woman he'd ever met.

Derek couldn't blame her for hating him; hell, he had left her, the person who understood him like no one else ever could… even Addison. Sure she was smart, sexy, and beautiful, but Meredith Grey was always the love of his life.

He wondered, hoped really, that Meredith could forgive him so that they could start over.

No. Of course she couldn't. What was he even thinking?! He was dating Addison and Meredith probably had moved on from him as well, which wasn't a bad thing at all. He practically gave her no other choice as to move on, and start a life without him.

He was reasonably happy with Addison. And Meredith surely must have a better life without him. He wouldn't get another chance. This was the life he'd chosen.

His mind drifted back through the memories of that fateful surgery and the moment of realization that it was not just an intern. His thoughts lingered on when his gaze met her familiar green eyes.

Meredith and Addison were getting along seemingly well until he entered. Her demeanor instantly changed to that of an ice-queen, for lack of a better term, when Derek walked in. Melissa was the only person allowed in her icy walls. The scared pregnant woman was the sole recipient of her warm soft tone.

Luckily, Addison had been busy taking care of Melissa. Otherwise, she would've observed the change in the mood of the room which would lead to questions. Usually he was in a good mood, always happily ready to help interns; but, with Meredith it was different. She didn't need any help… at least not help from him. He had seen the hurt and anger flashing in her eyes, and they both knew that they'd have to talk, to come to a truce in order to work in the same hospital.

That was the reason why Derek escaped to the solace of the outside. The hospital walls that he typically regarded as his castle, felt like a prison. The fresh air gave time to think about this new revelation. He resolved to make this right with Meredith.

He longed to tell her that he never forgot her, that he still cared about her. Maybe telling her so wouldn't fix it, but at least it was something. First, he had to try to find the right words to say to her. If she would even listen?

Somehow, he felt alone, just like the night air. It was invisible to the eye, obvious to the touch.

Meredith had become just as important as his family, and he truly did love her. But he made the decision to leave her.

Slowly, raindrops began to fall and softly touch his face. Their fall slowly increased in speed and intensity, forcing him to leave this quiet place. He was ready to move anyway, to go to her despite still not knowing what words would fall from his lips.

XXX

There were quite a variety of reasons somebody came to the ER, especially during the night shift. The ER was that kind of place, where doctors got the chance to see a little of everything. It was like reaching for the toy in the cereal or Cracker Jack box, so it drew in the interns hungry to see what new surprise waited for them. That was the precise reason Derek was hastily heading in that direction.

He just opened the door to the bottom of the staircase and was turning in that direction when he bumped into someone. He was about to start mechanical apologies when he recognized the blond beauty once again- Meredith.

She was holding a chart in her right hand, which fell to the floor. "I need to go," Meredith whispered, while trying to pick it up.

Derek didn't know if it was a look of uncertainty that he could see on her face, or something else. He wanted to hug her, to feel every inch of her body pressed against his. At that moment, he wished that he hadn't broken up with Meredith. He felt a pang of sadness that he couldn't turn back the clock to before he lost his best friend and love of his life because of his selfish choices.

He moved his eyes over her petite frame, the stiff fabric of the light-blue scrubs hugging her body. Her blonde hair was pulled back in a simple knot, just like she used to wear it six years ago. She was so beautiful; more beautiful than he had ever seen her.

Meredith wanted to walk past him, but he moved forward and grabbed her hand. Derek felt as if he'd been struck by a bolt of lightning when he touched her delicate fingers, the softness of her smooth skin.

The anger and pain that he earlier had seen in her eyes was no replaced with sadness. Six years earlier he would have known how she was feeling. But now? Meredith had changed, everything had changed. It wasn't the same anymore.

"You really wanna do this right now, don't you?" She sighed deeply, frustration evident in her voice.

Was it right? Derek didn't want to cause her pain by making her talk about the past. He had done enough already.

"I," Derek released her hand, "I was surprised to see you here." He said quietly.

"Why?" She asked, hugging the chart close, "Because you thought that I wouldn't make it without you?"

"That's not what I meant, Mer, I-" She stopped him mid-sentence.

"Don't call me Mer," she hissed, the anger again flashing in her eyes. "You have no idea what happened. You left me. You didn't give me a chance," her voice lowered to a whisper, "And right now I can't look at you. I know we have to talk, but right now... I have to do my job." She turned around, her shoulders slightly shaking.

Derek watched as she disappeared around the corner, not able to say something.

He was right. It wouldn't be easy to make her understand that he was sorry. And what was she talking about? What had happened to her?

He had to find out.

Suddenly, Derek felt fatigue rush through his body as if it was the most natural thing in the world. His body was exhausted, he was hungry and desperately needed to rest. Yes, he'd go home and sleep for twelve hours or something like that.

Derek didn't hear the soft footsteps approaching him. "Do you work Friday? We can meet at 6 at a diner near here," Meredith said wanting to do this on her terms. "I mean, we should talk, and I want to, but not here." She looked up at him, her eyes bright, waiting for his answer.

"Yeah," he replied softly.

Derek was shocked at first that she agreed to meet with him, but that was the same strong, level-headed Meredith he fondly remembered all of those years ago.


End file.
